


Doomed

by Andrea250



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depression, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not every day is rainy day, References to eating disorder, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, i think, no one dies, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:10:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrea250/pseuds/Andrea250
Summary: Changmin wish he could chase away the demons that plagued Yunho's mind.*Note If there is an issue with the story format... please comment and I will fix it and reupload! Also out of curiosity can you all see the picture of the cover I post with the story? Cuz it represent for me anyways how they look in the story.*





	Doomed

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Trigger Warnings: 
> 
> Depression
> 
> Self harm 
> 
> talks of eating disorder
> 
> suicide

 

_**Song- Doomed- Bring Me The Horizon** _

_**** _

 

 

_**3rd Person's P.O.V:** _

Changmin head went into overdrive, his hyung, his beloved Yunho, the love of his life! He couldn't bare the dead look each time he looked into those hollows orbs and Changmin just couldn't do it and he felt guilty. 

"I can't do this anymore." Yunho looked dead. 

"I know hyung." Changmin felt his heart break again. 

Yunho wants to die, it was getting impossible too see a future everything looked black. His world is black and the sun won't shine here, it never did and when it rains, it fucking pours but Yunho doesn't mind the dull ache. 

Changmin only watched as his hyung had fallen into the vines of depression and slowly fallen in love with the pain, it hurt him so much and he wish he could save his kind hyung. His heart felt sorrow for Yunho and he wish he could save him but this is more than just another rainy day. 

Depression doesn't discriminate, it doesn't care how much money you have, your sns followers, your skin color, your religion, your ethnicity, your social class, none of it! You are a target and it chose his lover and Changmin hates having to see Yunho suffer and loose his sanity little by little. 

"I miss the sunshine and I miss your laughter, it feels like we are in my hell. I brought you with me and I don't know how to let you go." Yunho is drunk again. 

"Don't say that Yun." Changmin knew tonight was no different from the last.

"We both know how this is going to end min." Changmin refused to let Yunho go again.

If Yunho is gonna leave this world how could it be without Changmin? He never thought of a life without the older male in it, his heart would not be able to handle the separation.

'Cause without Yunho there is no Changmin, it only made sense. How could Yunho leave him all alone? He has been with Yunho for a better part of his life and he could not bare too lose Yunho.

"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone." Changmin heart ached as Yunho spoke.

"I long for that feeling to not feel at all the higher... I get, the lower I'll sink... I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." Yunho is in a battle for his life.

"I only hold you back. I am sorry minnie." Changmin never felt that way.

"Never say that Yun!" Changmin felt hurt at Yunho's words. 

"You light up the world around me. When the hues of blue that litters the darkening skies. You shine a light in my dull planet." Yunho looked at him with love.

They share the same breathe, like a secret that is only meant for Them. Keeping Changmin's attention and making him hold onto every syllable.

"We laugh in this room that kept us afloat, that reminded us of the beginning, gave us hope for the future, we fell in love all over again." This is their home.

Their first apartment, where they began a new life and story, one of happiness, anger, despair, love, and so much moments that are priceless.

"Your hands caressed these broken parts of mine, mending them with your smile and gentle kisses Yunho.... and I couldn't breathe. You stunned me into a breathless silence as your eyes spoke of love and hurt and I wanted to mend you too." Changmin wished he could take away his lover's pain.

"But, as days turned into night you became more guarded and unapproachable... you stopped looking at me and sometimes I think I see a shade of disgust glaze your chocolate orbs." It kills the young lover.

Yunho started to sober up.

"I started to become more hesitant and cautious in my steps and words... I felt like I was trapped in our play. It felt generic and synthetic, your love felt force and I tried not to vomit at the way your words would cut through my paper thin bones." Changmin had to be honest, it was the only way.

"Where did you go?" Recounting three summers ago. That fateful season that revealed so much.

"I see you in front of me but I could never  _see_  you. You started to become like your father and you spoke of dread, of how you would rather die than become a heartless bastard." Yunho's father was no man nor father... he is a monster.

"Your eyes hardened and your touch felt like acid. You don't look like you and somethings changed in the way you held yourself and your approach to this life. You no longer lived and I felt responsible!" Changmin felt like a failure.

Yunho heart clenched at his boyfriend's words.

"I couldn't? Or wouldn't?" Changmin sobbed.

Yunho wanted to hold him and comfort him but he couldn't cuz he did this too Changmin.

"I felt gone Yunho." His heart hurt.

"You left but you didn't?" Reliving those moments all over again.

"I desperately held onto you for dear life but the storm blew away everything I knew... or I thought... I am tired of the gloomy weather." Changmin felt defeat.

"There were holes in you and the kind I couldn't heal without prying open your pandora box." Yunho was and still id spiraling and the young male knew better.

"Nonetheless, I kept hoping for you to come home. Even after the bad weather and absent time, I silently held you in your drunken slumber and your attempts. I held you close even though you wanted to escape this unforgiving world." Changmin had seen the bad and ugly of Jung Yunho.

"Yet, I knew that I no longer could make you stay." Changmin felt his heart collapse.

"I came home one night and you were hanging from the ceiling fan and my heart stopped and I felt myself go numb." He felt the dread all over again.

"I saw every moment of our love and despair pass through my mind, like a movie, it all came to an end." Yunho went to Changmin's side.

"I brought you down from this exact spot...and held you one last time. I kissed your tired eyes, every wrinkle, and beauty mark, as the light disappeared, I was forced to let you go." He remembers how the paramedics had to pry Changmin away from Yunho's body.

"I hated you. In that moment, all I could feel was anguish and I wanted to blame you but it wasn't your fault." He could never blame the older male.

"This world was harsh and unkind for an old soul like you...." He cried more as Yunho held him up

"After they told me you were in a coma, you came to me in a dream and held me... you kissed the pain away with worlds of love and regret." Changmin was grateful that Yunho had survive.

"The next day... I received a package at the door with your handwriting and name. I dangerously grasp it towards my chest, not wanting it to leave like you did." Yunho kissed the crown of his head.

"Inside, was a letter and photos of me,of us, I had no knowledge of and my heart broke all over again." Yunho remember the box.

"You knew that this was the end but your words promised a future... one without you and I felt the air leave my faulty lungs. Your words held remorse and love but you never had to apologize." Changmin never faulted Yunho.

"In that moment, I pleaded with the almighty upstairs to bring you back and I sobbed and screamed as I knew that this life time would no longer have you." The doctors had told Changmin he may never wake up.

"When you woke up 4 months later you were freaking out and told me... "You must of made some kind of mistake I asked for death, but instead I'm awake!"...my heart shattered." Changmin couldn't take it.

"I never meant to hurt nobody, I never meant to hurt you... I only meant to do this to myself." Yunho has put Changmin through hell and je is sorry.

"The days are a death wish, a witch hunt for an exit... I am powerless." Yunho crocked.

"I can fear death no longer I've died a thousand times... Changmin I am sorry." Yunho could only come up with apologies.

"I was tired of the questions and seeing a therapist and just... How are we on a scale of one to ten?... You can tell me, what do you say?... Do you wanna talk about it?... How does that make you feel?.... Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?.... Have you've been skipping meals?... We're gonna try something new today... How does that make you feel?" Yunho just couldn't do it and therapy was no better.

Yunho had never told Changmin any of this until now.

"I am depressed and I hate myself.... my head is going around in circles like a carousel and some days, it feels like my world is burning down and I am tired of hearing bull shit! All the 'It's okay' and the 'it could be worse' and 'it is all in my head!' I couldn't take it." Yunho broke. 

"I hate smiling when I don't want too! Or pretending that everything is all sunshine and fucking rainbows! Some days I can barely get out of the bed without feeling like tragedy is going to strike, it is safer underneath the blanket and some day's I wish that I wouldn't wake up." Yunho is breaking down. 

"But when I see you, it reminds me why I fight and why I want to give up." Yunho felt the conflict that waged a war in his mind. 

"I want to be the man you deserve. Just right now, hold me close and don't let go... leave the lights on I'm coming home, it's getting darker but I carry on." Yunho loves Changmin with every part of his being. 

"You are the man I had fallen in love with but you can't see it but their is beauty and a heart of gold inside of you Yunho. I know that right now you can't feel it or understand. Your depression has you a prisoner but I refuse too leave." Changmin understood that as long as he is with Yunho that this is apart of him. 

"I want you too take your time and when you are ready, I will always be waiting Yunho!" Changmin hugged him tighter. 

"Thank you Min! I promise some day that we can smile, it is every moment I was with you, shined. Because the weather was good. Because the weather was bad. And because the weather was good enough. I loved every moment of it." Yunho wanted to go back but they only can move forward and rebuild a new life. 

It will take time and they both knew that and accepted the fact... it is the ones with the brightest smiles that are suffering in silence. Changmin would be by his side as long as Yunho wants him there. Not everyone has the luxury of having someone by their side in times of trails and tribulations, it is scary to go through the emotions alone and scared. 

Changmin wanted to be there for every step even if things get bad... Yunho is worth it! The older male deserves o much than he gives himself credit for and Changmin will be there, any time and any place Yunho has someone in his corner.

_**-The End** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I am sorry this is sad... I myself have dealt with situations like this in personal experiences and I can confidently say that I am getting to the place I want too be. and I hope you all enjoyed this wonderful short read. I myself struggle from mental illness and other afflictions. 
> 
> I am not saying this for sympathy but because I want to be open with you guys cuz I trust you all. I write so I don't have to go back into the place that made me feel like I am nothing... some days are bad but I promise I am here for anyone and everyone. 
> 
> Please if you are struggling... talk too someone anyone please! This world is not better off without and I love you all, please know that I might not know any of you but I still love you and accept you for everything! ❤❤❤
> 
>  
> 
> I used lyrics not a lot from these songs and this famous quote from the kdrama goblins. 
> 
> Songs: 
> 
> CYFMH- Bring Me The Horizon
> 
> Doomed - BMTH
> 
> Hospital for souls- BMTH 
> 
> Happy Song- BMTH
> 
> The Boy Who Could Fly- Pierce The Veil 
> 
> Tangled In The Great Escape- PTV
> 
> "it is every moment I was with you, shined. Because the weather was good. Because the weather was bad. And because the weather was good enough. I loved every moment of it." -Kim Shin (Goblin played by Gong Yoo)
> 
> Again, thank you all for the support and love!❤❤❤
> 
> Thank you my lovely readers I hope you are healthy and happy. Keep it weird everyone, love you all.
> 
> -AndreaXx


End file.
